Saturday, October 5

Cristina

As some of you may have heard, my character, portrayed by Sandra Oh, is leaving Grey's Anatomy this season:


You may be wondering how I will be exiting the show.
(Spoiler Alert)

I've already been held at gunpoint to do surgery on my best friend's husband while she has a miscarriage in the same OR, been impaled by an icicle, survived a plane crash in some random forest, tried to escape to Rochester, Minnesota, only to grow fond of my mentor, Mr. Feeney, of course, to watch him die during surgery--not his surgery but one on a patient, for irony… Having one of the first prime-time abortions for a main character was actually the least traumatic event in my nine seasons with the show. Basically, my leaving the show will obviously need to out do all those things, combined.

How?
 
~*~
 
Webber is still kinda dying, but moar. Bailey is completely paralyzed with guilt and lack of confidence, because it's one of those episodes for her. Dr. Mom Avery is being crazy and controlling. Decisions have to be made. Meredith will walk into her mother's house, upset that no one is answering their pagers. In the kitchen, she will find Karev and his intern-girlfriend whatsherface* (the least annoying one left alive this season) lying lifeless on the kitchen floor...in a gallon of organic soy milk (#Seattle), spilled into a puddle around them, their hands inches apart from each other (because Shonda Rhimes hates love), a half-open box of cereal on the counter, not destined to be united with the milk, two empty bowls with spoons on the counter top. No pulses to be found.

She looks for Cristina in the house--calmly, because Meredith Grey is calm. Bon Iver is playing.

Meredith checks the basement. Near the circuit breaker, she finds live wires in an even larger puddle of Seattle's Best Coffee--a Level 5 Dark & Intense roast--and a pile of bodies (all the remaining interns, plus Kepner because it's about damn time).

Meredith Grey remains calm. She checks and double checks all the California-King-size beds in her house, but in the dark, because Shonda Rhimes likes this show to be filmed in the dark. It's a very subtle metaphor. No bodies. No Cristina.

The ambulances show up. Almost arrived at Seattle Grace Mercy West, Meredith realizes the EMT driving is Kepner's gullible fiancé. Seismic activity happens, with lightning and thunder and black ice. A sink hole swallows the ambulances. Meredith Grey barely survives. Covered in mud, but still calm, she looks at a hand reaching down towards her. It's the sane Avery. He helps her, in the blizzard, out of the sink hole...but a bus--on fire--with children inside hits black ice and takes out Avery, right in front of Meredith, who continues to survive.

Meredith Grey remains calm. Inside the hospital, in a hallway, dark--the power is obviously out--she sees Chief Hunt, rearranging surgeries on a whiteboard. With emotion, Owen erases, then scribbles names illegibly with a green dry-erase marker. Meredith asks if he's seen Cristina. He doesn't seem to be able to hear--Owen's PTSD is back, triggered by the thunder storm and a cafeteria ceiling fan from before the power went out. All he can do is rearrange surgeries now.

Bailey continues to experience emotions. She is useless. She leaves incoherent voicemails for her anesthetist-medstudent husband who is far away. Bon Iver is still playing.

Meredith calmly checks for voicemails. There's one from Cristina. She seems to have the flu, words interrupted by heaving, but there's no indication of where she might be. The voicemail is threaded with dry sarcasm, because it's Cristina Yang and she does that. She also said, "Evil Spawn," but without context. It might be the severity of the flu.

Calmly, Meredith Grey looks for help. She strolls into OR galleries. Finally in one, she finds Torres and Robbins in yet another argument related to their continuing marital issues. Robbins' hair is even shorter. There were no interns available so the two had no choice but to operate together. Torres is sawing off the patient's leg because it's the only option left. It is awkward and angry. Robbins is irrational (and no one else in the OR has sympathy for her because her character has not been developed to draw sympathy). The final backup generator being used for surgeries goes out. Lightning strikes the patient, who is now definitely dead, but conducts electricity to shock the only two people touching the patient. Robbins and Torres both fall to the ground. The nurses only attend to Torres. They are able to revive her with a defibrillator but realize she needs a cardiothoracic surgeon immediately.

Meredith Grey calmly makes finding Cristina Yang her top priority. There are no lights for the remainder of the episode--only sound. The metaphor is less subtle. Bon Iver is still playing.

Meredith bumps into Annoying Mom Avery in the darkness. Mom Avery falls, sustaining what soon becomes a fatal head injury. But before losing consciousness, she manages to whisper, "Help Yang."

In complete darkness, Meredith heads toward the direction from which Mom Avery had come. She finds herself in another OR, and calmly calls out, "Cristina?" A faint answer returns her call--"Mer." Meredith approaches cautiously, as Cristina strings together barely related words…"Webber. She said...Have to...Heart."**

Meredith Grey realizes Cristina Yang was in the middle of heart surgery on Webber in the dark. Because she does hardcore things when it's necessary. Another flash of lightning--Cristina Yang is wearing a leather jacket over her scrubs. But she is now collapsed, on the OR floor.

"Come on, Skinny Love, Just last the year…"

Meredith calmly passes Chief Hunt who is still rescheduling surgeries and is basically dead inside. She says something Bailey once said to inspire her in a previous season that is just enough to get Bailey to help attend to Cristina. Cristina does not respond to flu treatments. Meredith is at her feet, reminding her that she is her person. In the darkness, Bailey suddenly enters the room, looks at Meredith Grey and stammers, "Ricin." Meredith asks how that could be possible. Bailey responds, "When you know, you know." It is too late for Cristina Yang. Meredith Grey, showing uncharacteristic emotion, places Cristina's leather jacket over her heart as her friend takes her last breath.

Another bolt of lightning takes out Bailey. Owen may as well be dead since he's no longer relevant.

Meredith is no longer calm. She calls Derek, who is babysitting Zola, Baby Bailey, and Sofia while still on paternity leave at his trailer because their house burned down from a lightning related fire.

Meredith and Derek decide to get on the next plane to Boston with Zola, Baby Bailey, and newly orphaned Sofia, where Harvard still wants to fund Derek's Alzheimer's research. On the plane is the social worker who facilitated Zola's adoption en route to find the family to tell them they have to give Zola back to Africa. Also on the plane is a vengeful grandson of the Season 6 Finale gunman planning to finish the job his grandfather was not able to complete. The recent government shutdowns defunded TSA. In his hand is a Stevia packet actually containing Ricin, and in his pocket is a capped syringe of M99. But the passengers don't see each other, because it is dark.

Flying deeper into a thunderstorm, an asteroid hits the plane. No one saw it coming because NASA employees are still furloughed due to the government shutdown.

Somewhere in a forest, a raindrop slides off a safety pin on the ground. There is no one left to use it; there are no wounds to stitch nor characters to make whole again.

A random Kendrick Lamar song is playing. Roll credits.

~*~


*An autopsy would later show Karev's intern girlfriend also had brain cancer.
**No one knows if Webber survives the show.


Alternate Ending:
Shonda Rhimes, in a surprise twist of events, slowly starts to kill off actual Grey's Anatomy fans.

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