Tuesday, January 9

Museum

We all make mistakes, right? No one breezes through this dunya without making at least one, and no one can afford any...something about a learning process...*sigh*

Do we run out of words because we are in such need to communicate or because we shouldn't be communicating, thus the words disappear? Does the lack of words, at least sometimes, indicate a lack of need to use them, as if something else has been fulfilled or satisfied?

So there is consequentialism and deontology--look them up somewhere if you're not familiar with these terms. Winter Break has allowed me to recollect some things, and suddenly, they all look kinda gray. On the Day of Judgment, Allah, Subhanahu wa Ta`Ala, will certainly ask us of everything we did (and should have done). I have this fear that's been creeping up on me about this consequentialism/deontology stuff; Will all the gray things only become clear after it's too late? Allah is The Just and The Merciful--True. But I'm accountable--I think that's where all the problems seem to lie.

We're supposed to reflect on His Signs, and we're better off accepting the things of which we are not meant to have knowledge. In the spirit of reflection, I can't figure out if a whole slue of actions in my past were mistakes or nearly the best actions I could have taken considering the circumstances. When do we apologize? And what if we're not sure if something was right or wrong? The "Pending" folder of my conscience is overflowing.

If someone were to bring these questions to me before tonight, perhaps I would have said something along the lines of "Well, the fact that you're having doubts about your decisions might indicate that it is possible that you may have done something wrong, and regardless, it is always better to seek forgiveness from Allah." And this approach isn't necessarily invalid all of a sudden. But playing it safe isn't as simple as keeping your mouth shut, or avoiding a situation, or picking up a phone and saying sorry. Easily, doing so could as well become greater mistakes--theoretically, right? I've definitely apologized to people and later realized that it would have benefited all of us if I hadn't taken that route and actually addressed the underlying issue(s).

There is definitely black and white areas in this arena of morality, but there's much more gray than I'm comfortable seeing. Does that mean it's my sight--my lack of faith and guidance--that is why I see what I do? Or is it really there? At least, some of it?

Other people must see these images too--that's not the least bit comforting, actually. What is important here is learning the difference between being in the wrong and being in the right, right? None of us want to go to Allah saying "I wish I were as dust." Some of us wish it while we're still in the dunya--and that doesn't change much. After all, it's the actions that we're accountable for...And so we are--back at square one (see beginning of this post).

1 comment:

liya said...

hi samira,

your post is extremely thoughtful. i think it is safe to say that your not alone in questioning past actions -and, depending on the situation, whether they warrant apologies. well, regardless of the situation, i think it is best to always be the bigger person. also, we cannot dispute the course of action one should take, if he or she knowingly hurt someone, even unintentionally... easier said then done...

i was taken aback by your "pending folder" comment, only because it prolly serves as a means of stress and who needs that. not saying that you shouldnt reflect on the past, and 99.9% of the time we can come up with ways, words, actions that could have potentially changed the outcome for the better. and the beauty in that is it goes to show that you have learned from your past (mistakes), which is something that we should all aspire to do. it is easy for us to ignore certain situations, but you choose to face it, and that is a reflection of your faith...

my point: use the past as a learning experience (as you touched on) without torturing yourself as to what you could have done. because in the end, you are probably the only one stressing about it. you are right, we are all accountable, but Allah is merciful.