Sunday, February 19

Memories Found In Delirium

So I've had this crazy fever this weekend. And my wisdom teeth growing in has been messin with my root canals. Yes, my head has been throbbing with pain for over 48 straight hours. I've been trying to sweat the fever off, with the aid of medicine of course. And lots of water and grape kool aide.

Either last night or the night before, I woke up drenched in sweat under three layers of comforters. In the dark, I raised my head and turned to the right side of my bed, desperately trying to focus my eyes. All I could see were silhouettes of wardrobes and desks and chairs as my consciousness began to catch up. I slowly realized I was on the top bunk in the bedroom of my apartment. Still half in a delirium, I asked myself what I was looking for. And I remembered--I was expecting to see my parents, half expecting to hear my dad's light snore.

So back in `91, my parents had moved the four of us into this one-bedroom apartment. We lived there for five years. My dad was working three jobs, eighteen hours a day. I still haven't been able to figure out what my mom was going through with two children in a strange new country. There are so many details I could talk about, but I know my perception of them will be different from that of anyone reading this blog.

Summer nights in South Dakota, my parents and I sit out on the deck of our two-story, split-level house with a two car garage--and two cars to actually be parked inside.

In third grade, back in Cali, I remember when our Buick Park Avenue broke down, and I had an ear infection. Mrs. Ansel was preparing us for a field trip to the beach to study crustaceans, jelly fish, and stuff I don't remember. I couldn't go because of that ear infection. Meanwhile, I remember the first time I had ever ridden a bus; Since we didn't have a car, and I had to go to the doctor, my dad and I rode the bus to the clinic.

Around that time, Jurassic Park came out. My dad and I walked two miles to Edwards Theatre at Tustin Plaza and waited about four hours in line to watch it. Best movie ever.

And on these summer nights, while my parents drink tea and we remember those days as we gaze at the stars, we're filled with gratitude because we know few people who've been blessed in the ways we have.

I'm not sure if this post will make sense to anyone--especially since I'm on medication and don't know if it'll even make sense to me tomorrow morning. But the strange feeling I had that night, searching for my parents in the middle of the night, compelled me to write this post. Anyway, I'm going back to sleep now.


EA said...

I have awaken a few time's like that, it leaves one in a very strange frame of mind. It is interesting the mind, and how it works within us. Wisdom teeth, ouch, that is not fun at all. I hope you get to feeling better.

Samira said...

Thanks EA :)

And indeed, the mind is captivating.

Nandita said...

so parallel.


Nuri said...

what kind of medication, Samira... are you depressed or something?

Samira said...

Vick's 44--Multisymptom (same Vick's that makes Nyquil).

I had a really high fever. I guess trying to sweat that off in addition to the alcohol in the medicine (which is something I avoid--I'm the warm salt water/lot's of vitamin C type)for an entire weekend made most things blurry but somethings clear. Plus I was too sick to make myself food or even have an appetite, so this "delirium" was a result of many interacting factors :)