Wednesday, January 18

Spring

Spring after years...

Best day of my life, Al Hamdulillah. I went out with a group of sisters today after a very long time. Something I lost was found. Only it's different this time. It's better,
Al Hamdulillah.

I was talking on the phone with a very close sister. I feel like this is too good, too great of a feeling to write about, let alone on a blog--my blog at that. And yet, if I had one post on this blog, I would want this to be it.

As I spoke to this sister about how happy I was as a result of all that I let myself feel today--all that Allah, SwT, let me feel today--I said something I have not been able to say in years--that I hope things will work out.

It's strange how some of us grow into a state of absolute apathy after years of disappointment (which arguably can be traced to ingratitude for Allah's blessings). And finally, there's like some kind of turning point--like we had to talk about in English papers back in middle school. This is my turning point.

Al Hamdulillah.

Years of frustration that turned into apathy of the same intensity is finally dissolving into the nothingness it came from. This is excellent. I mean, Al Hamdulillah. Few people know what it's like to embrace the worst of one's own imagination and come out to see light. I almost feel honored. And it's unreal, yet the realest feeling I've ever had, to be able to take a step with confidence; To not theoretically believe in Allah's Mercy (thinking about it, describing it's presence in my life), but to actively seek it and have expectations from Allah, SwT. To hope from Him.

Inshaa'Allah, rt? : )

Dude, this is beyond any cognitive, cathartic actualization I've ever experienced. This is my heart, beating. Subhan Allah.

1 comment:

Wanksta said...

Dude, I think you should really do the Poor Man's Book of Assistance CD set that Sh. Hamza has out. It's perhaps the exact type of Islamopsychology that you would relish. I believe the classical text is originally by Sidi Ahmed Zarruq. I'm in the middle of it and it has definitely been of use.