Sunday, January 29

On Stand-By

First dibs on the next available ticket for a flight leaving Planet Earth.

I think my being melted today. Remember when Aladdin was flying out of the cave after he grabbed the lamp and Abu grabbed the giant red jewel and this ocean of lava began rising? Remember the bursting bubbles of lava? That's the inside of my head--no, my soul--right now.

Whenever I encounter something I deeply object to--especially if I find it to be a moral/islamic issue--I immediately feel like leaving the situation by any means necessary. Look at all my posts--all the words I seem to have; And yet, at the most critical moments, all these words disappear. I feel like there is nothing--no word in the dunyaa--that can express innate objections to certain kinds of behaviors.

Maybe I need to concentrate on my own flaws--it may help me accept those of others. But I think I'm pretty flexible with others--I try, I think...(although I see intellectual flaws differently; I think those are negotiable, and often to my benefit after discussing them with others). And every once in a blue moon, I encounter a situation where it's as if I can feel my soul shaking inside--and if you've watched this happen to me, you probably saw me physically trembling, and at a complete loss of words, and within seconds you've seen me leave the room.

I have to work on this--I think I've begun to object to things more frequently as I've been trying this anti-apathy thing (outside of this blog). Now I remember why I became apathetic--I couldn't handle being "passionate" about my beliefs. It was way too stressful. I have to find a balance...I don't know, guys.

I guess this post has been an outlet--I just regained circulation in my wrists, so that's a good sign. *Sigh*


Current AAF: A + 5 = Me, now.


EA said...

I agree, and if you get a ticket save one for me too. I also have felt this feeling, but mine even affects my nervous system, and makes me ill at stomach. I seek peace and ultimate truth, and there are so many today fighting against it on all levels. I have myself grown very cynical, and need to change some things within myself, thanks for reminding me of that, and let your future be peacefull.

Samira said...


You prolly will never come back to my blog, as I have no idea how you found it in the first place and thus assume it was by chance. But should you return, know that your blogs were amazing--I felt like reading some of your posts multiple times--you certainly have a knack for language. I assume that you're female, b/c no male can put certain emotions into the words you have b/c men don't find themselves in particular situations. Your writing reflects female compulsions, a softer kind of flesh. Either way, you are talented--no, gifted.

And oh--I'll save you a seat ;)

EA said...

Hello, oh yes I will return to your blog, and yes it was by chance. No I am male, but gained much from my Mothers spirit. Thanks for your words, as coming from you they mean much, and I do not pay lip service. Anyway I will keep in touch, until then peace be with you.

Samira said...

Well I feel sheepish. My bad--I'm clearly ignorant in more ways than I am aware--but now you're definitely not the stereotypical non-sensitive male. So that's awesome.

By the way, you have your comments option off on your blogs. Perhaps you have reasoning behind this (I once asked one of the readers of my blog to turn on his blog's commenting options and this led to more disaster than good, arguably).

Anyway, keep writing :)


EA said...

Yeah, I got tired of looking everyday at 0 comments so decided to turn it of.